In so many ways, this was a really good week. And what went wrong has a lot to do with it.

The week started out as most do…a fridge full of food and plans for what I’d eat when (I’m a dedicated batch-cook). I knew I’d be cutting it close by Friday, as is usually the case, but considering that I can get a good salad from a restaurant down the street from my work in a pinch, I wasn’t too worried. Monday and Tuesday passed uneventfully. The cravings finally dropped off and in general, I was thinking about food much less frequently than the week before. My new routine of eating lunch at my desk at work, followed by brushing my teeth and then going for a walk, is a treat. We’ve had spectacular weather this week and getting outside for 20-30 minutes midday is such a pick-me-up. And brushing my teeth at work feels downright luxurious. I don’t miss gum anymore.

On Wednesday, I had a late afternoon doctor’s appt, that extended my day a bit and upset my new routine. She’s based in Chicago and I drive 75 minutes to see her in a small town halfway to the city. We went over my recent blood work and talked about how many illnesses I’ve had in the last two months, including all of the allergy trouble. She has a few theories about what might be up, but is starting with some more blood work to look for mold exposure and a few other things. I don’t expect she’ll find much, but am happy that she’s poking around. My thyroid antibodies are up a bit, the first time they’ve climbed since Jan. 2016. Progress in the wrong direction. It could be related to the other issues, it might not. I go back on March 8 for follow-up. After leaving her office, I really wanted to eat something I shouldn’t. It was the first time this week that the cravings hit hard, and it was so clear that it had everything to do with the appointment. So. Fascinating. The long drive home gave me time to talk myself out of making a bad decision and I survived the day unscathed. Huge win.

Thursday was uneventful and Friday is when things went sideways. I assisted a colleague at an event over the lunch hour as planned, but what I didn’t know is that she needed my help from morning through mid-afternoon. I snacked when I could through mid-morning and then due to the event, went without food until 2:30, when I finally left for lunch. It was the only day of the week that I didn’t have lunch with me. And it was the only day of the week when I couldn’t eat at a “normal” time or snack as needed. By the time I left to get food, I was crazy with hunger. I ended up at Chipotle with my face buried in a burrito bowl. I also had a Diet Coke. Neither were as good as I remembered, and it’d only been twelve days.  My stomach was upset the rest of the evening and the caffeine kept me up late. I’ve often wondered if I’m one of those people whose extra-sensitive to caffeine, and it seems I have my answer.

Because the rules of the Whole30 are crystal-clear about these things, I’m starting over. If I’m going to say I’m doing a Whole30, then it’s on me to follow the rules. The minute I start making up my own guidelines, it’s a different program. I want to complete this program. It’s clear that I need it and all of its ridiculous rules.

Friday’s episode was loaded with good information that will inform how I move forward:

• Planning is critical. Looking back, I would have gone out for lunch on Thursday when my schedule was more flexible and brought my lunch on Friday when it wasn’t. Even without the extra hours assisting my colleague, I knew I was boxed in over the lunch hour. Having lunch with me would likely have been a game-changer.
• All water, all of the time is boring me to tears. Even with essential oils. Having the soda was more out of boredom than anything else. I wasn’t craving it. During the time I couldn’t get to sleep on Friday evening, I researched Whole30 compliant beverages (thank you Pinterest!) and found some spritzers to make with meals. I made a pomegranate-lime spritzer with dinner last night and it was such a treat. That it was in a favorite wine glass didn’t hurt either. Problem solved.
• Grains are not my friend. I was clearly affected by the burrito bowl, and not in a good way. There might come a time in the future when I can enjoy them without upset, but now is not that time. Getting that information a few weeks earlier than expected will only help me stay the course. And I can stop fantasizing about what I’m going to eat when this is done.
• I can do this. I made it twelve days before things got weird, and I can point to exactly what went wrong. Being able to pick apart the situation and understand exactly how I ended up with a burrito bowl at 2:45 on a Friday afternoon is invaluable.

Other wins from the week:

• I’m finally, FINALLY, getting back into a groove with running. I haven’t been sick since Feb. 1, and getting my diet dialed in gives me much more freedom on when I can run. I’ve enjoyed a few post-work runs this week, and the timing couldn’t have been better with our spring-like temps. I managed 12 miles for the week, the most since late Oct when I broke my foot. Granted, I used to run 12 miles on a given Wednesday, but this feels like significant progress.
• The pomegranate-lime spritzer. It’s worth mentioning again.
• Restarting means I was able to take some measurements and weigh myself. I traveled the weekend right before starting this two weeks ago and didn’t get a chance to do that previously. I took measurements in early January and already have made some progress since then, which is motivating and encouraging.
• Between the lunch time strolls and walking Abby, I’ve been walking quite a bit. My days feel much more active.
• This roasted beet, avocado and orange salad. Because I need to eat more greens, I’ve served it over mixed greens, but it’d be fine on its own. I can’t stop eating it. The three other recipes in the link are really good too.

Despite what happened on Friday, I’m really happy with the week. In many ways it took my focus off of just completing the program, and really owning that this needs to be a long-term lifestyle change. Intellectually, I’ve known that to be true, but after Friday I have definitive proof. So here’s to taking these 30 days to define a new normal. If these first two weeks are any indication, it will be yummy and satisfying.

PS THANK YOU to everyone who’s taken the time to follow along and offer words of support and encouragement. I’m so grateful for your kindness!

“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.”  ―Shannon L. Alder